I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
