The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
