He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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