i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
