Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
