I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
