well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
