I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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