I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
