That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
