Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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