please come you make the beer taste better
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
