yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
