I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How does it feel to date your dad?
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