I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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