I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
