drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
