Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
