Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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