I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
