her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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