I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
