SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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