i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
