i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
