Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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