How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
