he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
