yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
