I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
