I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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