oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
