If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
