I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize