i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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