he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
