do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
not ubering you a puppy
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
