no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
