I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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