He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Houston, we have a blender
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
