I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
