Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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