sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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