Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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