In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
