Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
