She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
