I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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