I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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