I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
