hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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